Helping equip young people in the fight against porn and to step into freedom.
Porn has a destructive impact on our relationships and society, and fuels modern day slavery, yet many people are addicted to it.
BUT Jesus came so that we could be free!
View or download the Free Indeed booklet below and scroll down for Blog content.
Understand the lies and you can start to break the addiction they feed!
When confronting our use of porn, we tend to focus on accountability software, educating ourselves on how porn affects our brains and relationships, or using shame as a tactic to stop.
But are we ever encouraged to challenge the lies that we believe?
Don’t get me wrong, accountability software and education can be invaluable. However, there is often a lie at the core.
The most common ones that I have seen fall into three categories: lies about who we are, about God and what sex is.
Lies about identity
Our sense of identity drives what we do. We see this from the life of Jesus; His identity as the Son of God, rooted in his gentleness and lowliness (Matthew 11:29) , influenced his actions towards lepers, prostitutes and tax collectors.
Misplaced beliefs can lead to misplaced actions. If we believe that we will be rejected for sharing our struggles with porn, we will go to any lengths to hide our sin from others. If we believe that we are inadequate or unworthy of love, we will refuse to forgive ourselves and continually return to porn. If we think we are beyond hope or change, we will accept a life that falls short of the glory of God.
When we trust in lies about who we are, we fail to see the true identity God has given us.
Lies about God
These lies have different routes. Some come from poor theology; we focus too heavily on the mercy or wrath of God at the expense of the other. Other lies come from our own interpretation of who He is; we project onto God how we would deal with sin, not how he does e.g. God is harsh, because we are harsh on ourselves.
Whatever route, they leave a similar mark; we fail to relate to God in the way that He intends us to. Dane Ortlund says that “when you come to God for mercy and love.. in your anguish and perplexity, you are going with the flow of his own deepest wishes, not against them”. Many of us feel that our use of porn disqualifies us from connection with God; this could not be further from the truth. God delights in our repentance, He loves to clean up our mess and His joy is most complete when we surrender our deepest shame and brokenness at the foot of His cross.
Lies about sex
It’s hardly surprising that we believe these lies, given our culture's obsession with the topic. We are surrounded by blurred and baffling views on what sex is and how we should view it. If we are not careful, these beliefs can seep their way into our minds and outlooks and influence the way that we act. We are not immune from being swayed by culture simply because we have the Holy Spirit living inside us.
Porn is a lie as to what sex is all about: infidelity, brutality, lust, dominance, manipulation and greed. However, it is God’s gift so let’s follow what He has to say about it. God designed sex to be about love, intimacy, trust, connection, respect, pleasure and faithfulness.
When we believe lies about what sex is, we will inevitably be drawn into the cyclical effect of porn use; being drawn to porn as an activity of mistruth and having these lies confirmed and perpetuated as we consume it.
What should we do about these lies?
Psalm 139:23-24 is a great place to start. Pray this as many times as you need to and completely surrender yourself before the Lord:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”.